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a letter to someone i used to know.. September 2, 2008

Posted by putomaia in Jitters, Private Me.
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dear someone,
hi. i saw you. monday, wasn’t it? i went to your school, with a friend.
did you see me?
nah, i don’t think so. i ran away when i saw your face.
why would you? right?
when i was far enough, i turned around to see your back going away…away…
i saw your bag, the same one i used to swap with mine back then.
you never changed your bag. that’s nice.
i should have known. you never cared about things like that.
did you see me? nah, i don’t think so. just like I never dreamed of seeing you again, especially now.
when was it again? a year ago? when we last met? and before that, another two years back? pretty long time, huh?

are you happy?

you lost weight. take care of yourself. friends care for friends, you know.
you can’t be reading this now, so what the heck?
but anyway, yeah, if ever i’m still capable to send you mind messages, take care.
i mean it.

if ever you’d be reading this though, don’t ever think i’m still after you. don’t bother yourself with that thought. i have only thought of you now because i saw you, and that’s it. nothing more, okay?

and if ever you did see me, please understand that i can’t talk to you that time. or today. or tomorrow. or ever. i’m sorry. i’m weak. i’m afraid.

and i’m not bitter, okay? why would i be?
i’m happy now.
maybe not in the same sense as you may be, but i’m trying my best to be happy.
and i’m actually doing well in it.

make sure your girl swaps bags with you and drags you to restaurants or carinderias or streetfood so you would eat, understood?

be happy, okay? i know you are.
just so you know, i still don’t smoke. i kept my word.